creativity and ambition

I grew up on the East Coast, in a type A, "warrior" family (quite literally, we are of the Indian warrior caste).  Ambition was in our daily bread, in the air we breathed every moment of every day, in our sports practices, in the extra hours of studying we'd do and more.

I had a very interesting two hour conversation with an art therapist last week, and told her about my ten year writing block.  "It is very curious," I told her.  "While I was growing up, stories would just come to me.  A poem would alight on my shoulder, fully-fledged, and all I had to do was to chase it and scribble it down.  Perhaps to the day, the moment I decided I wanted to be a writer, all this creativity fled!  And if I am to be perfectly honest with myself, I haven't had a good idea since!"

"Ah," she said wisely.  "That makes perfect sense.  Once you had ambition, your creativity left -- it knew there was no place for it.  That was the right thing for it to do, to protect itself!"

I felt as though I'd been struck by a large pounding wave, gasping to clear the water from my eyes and nose, and to breathe again.  Ambition?  Wrong?  Worse - anathema to creativity?

I have been speaking with all my writer, artist and filmmaker friends about this.  I had a long conversation with Rose today, who had some very wise things to say.  I am curious what others think, and whether this is something every artist wrestles with (I suspect it is). 

Also, in web surfing, I discovered some lovely Osho quotes, which I will close with.  I think this process is a little like opening the mind up, to let go and leave behind fear.  Nothing good is ever created out of fear, at least that much I know for certain.

CREATIVITY has nothing to do with any activity in particular -- with painting, poetry, dancing, singing. It has nothing to do with anything in particular.

Whatsoever you do, if you do it joyfully, if you do it lovingly, if your act of doing it is not purely economical, then it is creative. If you have something growing out of it within you, if it gives you growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine.

When ambition enters, creativity disappears -- because an ambitious man cannot be creative, because an ambitious man cannot love any activity for its own sake. While he is painting he is looking ahead; he is thinking, 'When am I going to get a Nobel Prize?' When he is writing a novel, he is looking ahead. He is always in the future -- and a creative person is always in the present.

Each man comes into this world with a specific destiny -- he has something to fulfill, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. You are not here accidentally -- you are here meaningfully. There is a purpose behind you. The Whole intends to do something through you.